Swing

Swing

To: Faith xxx
From: Broken Hearted Dad
Subject: Jeffery

Lord Help me!

Dearest Faith:

I write this to you with a broken heart. I wish we could just go back to the swings in the park. From the day you came to us we have endeavored to treat you as we treat your sisters. We are one family and you know how much I love my son-in-laws. I know you crave something like what they have. We have tried to focus on today and tomorrow but when the past screams out as it does this morning — things have to be said.

Undoubtedly, you have felt a chill in our relationship over the last month since we spent that Wednesday evening with Jeffery’s parents. I know you love Jeffery, but guns trump love. It was kind of them to invite us to watch the convention and in spite of what I am about to say I hope you recognize that kindness and civility are critical, but there is no substitute for strength, courage, resolve, and clear thinking.

Perhaps they didn’t know that your mother was shot by your father when you were only six weeks old; had they known that perhaps they wouldn’t have laughed and shouted their agreement when JD Vance spoke about the 19 unsecured hand guns in Granny’s home. (link to that part of the vance speech) When Jeffery’s mother took out her Trump bible and made a note of the date of the speech next to the second amendment printed in that volume I almost got up and walked out but I chose to let it breathe. It’s been a month; now it’s time for me to speak.

You know that song Rude by Magic (https://youtu.be/PIh2xe4jnpk?si=uW_1VUXDY24ObdO2) I enjoy the music, and I never thought I’d be a dad like that. There is nothing I want more for you than happiness with a good partner. I don’t think it’s funny when dads I know talk about shooting young men that court their daughters. This isn’t to say guns are always bad but a gun fetish, an obsession with shooting people when you disagree or dislike them is not something I want in our family. I don’t want to live in that dark world. That’s the world where people like George Zimmerman and stand your ground laws are driven by racism and misogyny! That’s the world of controlling girls not guns. That’s the world of fire and mock the secret service director rather than facing the problem of more guns than people in our country. If that’s what they mean by “Make America Great Again” I’ll take the America we have today. What happened to the Republican party that said a chicken in every pot; now it’s a gun in every classroom. NO THANKS!

You are so very young and attractive. If you and Jeffery can’t work this out there will be others, I am sure — but even if I’m wrong, better to be a childless cat lady than to be yoked in a relationship with a dangerous power imbalance.

Aa you doubtless remember, from the time you went out to play with kids on your own, I told you you could always say, “My dad said no” without asking me. I’d back you up; I understand the pull of a crowd and the dissonance of knowing something is wrong but wanting to follow your friends.

Well, this may be the very last time I can say no for you. I am an old fashion man and if Jeffery comes to talk with me I have a real conundrum. Should I ignore the danger just for the sake of peace? Perhaps you will share your thoughts with me or perhaps you will share this email with Jeffery.

Parents, even those of adopted children, need to stay out of their children’s way once they start a family of their own, but you and Jeffery aren’t yet at that point. Now, not after the knot is tied, is the time to work this through.

Dad

P.S. Here are a few resources that might stimulate some good discussions between you two:

Don’t marry that boy Dean Freedman song — demonstrates the challenge of being a father in changing times and the ultimate recognition that daughters are a free agents and will make their own choice. Link:https://youtu.be/M6_wUQShnNU?si=UuubSj8Xghy2sdCv

22 rifle episode from Dragnet — Hope you don’t find yourself teaching in a classroom with a gun in your desk drawer or scared to leave your kids with their paternal grandparents—or even worse, have one of your kids accidentally shot because they found a loaded gun in granny’s silverware drawer. Good people who aren’t challenged need to spend a lifetime living with awful unwanted consequences.